There are lots of ways to deal with telemarketers, including just hanging up on them. But if you’re looking for what to say to telemarketers to get them to stop calling and to have fun in the process, here’s a fun and funny way to get rid of telemarketers.
First we have to say that credit for this goes to Martijn Engelbregt. He first developed the EGBG Telemarketing Counterscript, in flow-chart format, back in 1994.
Below is our transcription of the main part of the script for what to say to telemarketers, from the first ‘hello’, leading them down the merry path, until the last ‘goodbye’.
What to Say to Telemarketers When They Call
FIRST: To whom am I speaking ?
NEXT: Could you spell your name for me please?
NEXT: Could you tell me how you found this phone number?
NEXT: And is this your full time job?
IF part time: What else do you do for living?
IF “I am a houseman/wife”: That’s funny, my neighbour does the same thing!
IF “I study”: Ah nice, what do you study? (they respond) That’s funny, my neighbour does the same thing!
IF “I have another job”: Ah nice, what exactly? (they respond) That’s funny, my neighbour does the same thing!
NEXT (whether full time or part time): Do you also live in (add your place of residence)?
IF yes: Incredible!
IF no (prompt for where they live if they don’t volunteer it): Oh, that’s nice as well!
NEXT: And how long have you been in the telemarketing business?
IF 5 months or fewer: That’s not very long.
IF more than 5 months: That’s quite long.
NEXT: And, do you like your job?
IF no: Why are you doing it then?
IF yes or no clear opinion: I think I would like this kind of job as well.
NEXT: How much do you earn?
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NEXT: That doesn’t sound bad at all! Do you get time off for going to a dentist? (doesn’t matter what they answer)
NEXT: Is it important to have good teeth for your job? (doesn’t matter what they answer)
NEXT: Which toothpaste would you recommend? (doesn’t matter what they answer, frankly by now they will probably have hung up)
NEXT: Thank you for your information, would you mind giving me your phone number in case I need additional information? (doesn’t matter what they answer)
NEXT: Thank you and have a pleasant day. Goodbye. (click)
You will also notice that on the graphic representation of the script, there is a section to the right that is in case the “telemarketer does not cooperate”. “If you get in a difficult conversation,” says the script, “make use of the conversation moves below and then continue with the script on the left side of the page.”
You can find the entire anti-telemarketer script in PDF format on Martijn’s site here.
Please let us know if you use this and what the results were! Also let us know of any other novel ways to deal with telemarketers, and any notable experiences you’ve had in doing so!
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