The new Facebook “Profiles for Couples” movement is quietly growing on Facebook. If you feel that your shared Snuggie or email address does not make you and your significant other enough of an amorphous couple blob, never fear, there is a group of co-dependant couples aiming to create shared Facebook pages. Because nothing says “healthy relationship” quite as much as a lack of personal identity.
The Profiles For Couples page wants to have couples move their individual accounts, to one shared account. And make no mistake, it is about love, unity, and lack of trust.
Some of the pages status posts:
“Why are the regular facebook pages bad for people in relationships? Take a look at the funny (but true) out-take on the infamous Facebook Breakup!”
“Love … it’s so exciting when it’s NEW isn’t it? With people being so virtually connected these days and frankly matters of trust being an occasional (or sadly more than occasional) issues on and offline, what are some ideas you can suggest to keep a relationship romantically engaged in any environment?”
“Profiles for Couples ? SEPARATE but EQUAL”
That’s right, they cited “separate but equal.” Because the issue of couples having shared Facebook pages is tantamount to the legal doctrine that justified systems of segregation.
So far, despite their best efforts, Facebook has ignored the pleas for shared couple’s Facebook pages. With the pleas of far more pressing concerns, like the 837,047 users who want a “dislike” button, falling on Facebook’s deaf ears, Facebook is, thus far, refusing the requests of the 1,100 to honor the sanctity of the dysfunctional relationship by enabling two trainwrecks to spy on one another’s direct messages.
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While a shared Facebook page is clearly the path to ultimate trust in a committed relationship, don’t despair that Facebook is opting to not allow two secure people to virtually meld together. There are other options to stick it to those confident and secure Facebook decision makers who clearly care nothing about helping perfectly committed couples to maintain their rock-solid foundations:
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1. Fight the man! According to the Profiles for Couples Facebook page, there are sneaky ways around the lack of couple’s profile options. They may be against Facebook rules, but who cares? Some causes are worth it! According to the Facebook page, all you have to do is make a brand new email address, sign up for another Facebook profile, setting a password that both of you crazy kids can remember, then simply make the first name of the account be one half of the couple’s name, and the middle name be the second half of the couple’s name. Yes, this may seem excessive, but we defy any one of your husband’s girlfriends from high school to thwart this iron-clad security measure. So long as she has no working knowledge of email, Twitter, telephones, text messaging, Google, LinkedIn, or automobiles, there is NO way she can slip an impromptu communication past you.
2. Buck the system! Consider getting in to a relationship with someone you can trust and who has their own identity. We know, we know; it sounds crazy. But as long as Facebook and their anti-couple agenda cannot penetrate your computer, they cannot penetrate your soul.
Our only hope now is that someone with as much forward-thinking as the people behind Profiles for Couples actually makes the Love Toilet a reality.
No Paywall Here!
The Internet Patrol is and always has been free. We don't hide our articles behind a paywall, or restrict the number of articles you can read in a month if you don't give us money. That said, it does cost us money to run the site, so if something you read here was helpful or useful, won't you consider donating something to help keep the Internet Patrol free? Thank you!
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